February 18th 2022 I started writing this post. I had it in a draft bc I was sooo in the lick of it. 

I couldn’t figure out how to dig myself out. 

All I had saved was this one line below and the screenshot of the definition for 

Dark night of the soul….

“It’s been a long time.”

Yikes! “It’s been a long time.” 

-Doesn’t that say it all. 

I’ve heard of the DNS. This was my first time experiencing it.

I felt like I was in a spiritual battle. Against? IDK?!? 

It was a battle. And I was losing. 

Strange. 

Bc…

Now, I don’t feel like I am in the DNS. 

I feel like I’m in the Gray Night of the Soul. 

It’s no longer pitch black darkness. It’s more like I can see the black turning gray. Kinda like a gradient. 

I am pulling myself out of this ditch slowly, inch by inch. 

Super interesting. 

Today, Have you ever been in a Dark Night of the Soul?!? If not, do you understand in theory?! Makes sense if you don’t bc I didn’t till I was IN IT.

It feels like you are being moved and can’t do anything about it. Battles keep coming at you and you have to just sit there and take it.

Almost, like sleep paralysis! Have you ever had that? If you have, then you understand what it feels like physically. Now, imagine you could move your body but that sleep paralysis hangover was ever present. Almost in a daze as violent attacks are aimed at you. 

If you haven’t had sleep paralysis or been in the DNS then just wait…

It will happen to you soon enough 😉 & we are here for you when it does!

Xo

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Mic 🎤….drop.

Today, Are you a giver or a taker?!?

I think at any time we can be both. You can be a giver to your BFF and then a taker from your mom. It’s normal to be in flux. Relationships are about giving and taking at different points. 

But…

If it’s a constant taking and taking and taking. 

This sign is so important to remember.

It’s up to us givers to set boundaries bc takers will keep taking and taking and taking.

When was the last time you felt like a buffet table right before Closing?!?! Been picked and picked at all day long. It’s exhausting…

Can you picture the person? 

Are they a taker??

Or a giver that just needs to take right now bc they are in a jam and need your energy?!

Noodle this and test it next time you feel drained. Let’s do this together 😉.

Xoxo

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All of the messages that I am hearing right now are that I am supposed to “Surrender.”

Everyone is saying it to me and @ me! 

It’s in my astrological crap, readings in the books, friends are saying it, whispers as downloads from the gods…

“

S

U

R

R

E

N

D

E

R

.

“

…

Ugh. 

F 💣 OFF. 

Look, I understand that I’m supposed to “Surrender.” But, just even hearing the word makes me feel rage. 

Like, gtfo. 

It’s like telling someone who is pissed to relax. It is the last mofo thing we want to hear. No, I will not reeelllax. Also, I will not “Surrender.” 

I can’t. 

Grrr…

What exactly am I “Surrendering” to anyways?!?

Today, Do you “Surrender?” 

Real question. 

Do you?!

To the moment?

To the situation?

To the problem at hand? 

In life?!

Look, I know know that the easiest way to stop yourself from suffering is to Let GO. 

But…”Surrendering” just feels irresponsible. Like we are not even trying. 

You want us to just give up?! 

And float?!?

Reminds me of the image of the best way to not drown when the waves are crashing around you is to float…

It’s so counterintuitive.

Fine. 

I’ll “try.”

Let’s “Surrender” to surrendering together. 😉 

Xoxo

Ps: this picture was taken from the Pintrest so no credit found. 

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Just realized that I write, “IDK” all the time when I’m journaling. It made me giggle. Bc when I was in college I used to turn words into acronyms to make shorthand easier. 

For example “customers” became, “C” and “work” became “W”, “interest became “i”

and so on….

I created these shorthand acronyms bc I use the words so much it became easier just to write the abbreviation. 

I write, “I DON’T KNOW” so much that I made it into an acronym without even realizing it. 

Bahahahahah.

I don’t know anything lately. I feel lost and confused and have NO clue wtf I’m supposed to do and pursue. 

Truly IDK. 

Today, Do you know?!?

Do you know where you are going and working towards?!?

Do you know where you belong?!?

Do you know who you are?!?

Hoping one of us does ;)!

Xo

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My Doormat says the very New York saying, “You look good.” I imagine a real New Yawker saying it every time I read it. 

I had it in front of my loft door but, it looked meh. 

So…

I couldn’t throw it out. 

So…

I put it by my car door. 

So…

Every time I get into my car I say back to it, “Oh yeah? Tanks.”

Today, Do you have any notes around the house speaking directly to you?! I’m not talking about TO DO Lists. Nah!!! I’m talking FUN stuff. Like forgettabout it. There’s gotta be somen that makes you giggle. 

What is it?!? 

Okay, good.

“You look good 👍🏼 “

Xo

Ps: My very fab NYC friend positioned me in this picture. 

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